Monday, November 28, 2011

Sweet Angels....

Today we buried our sweet Jackson. And it went as well as I could have hoped for. It was Ryan, Myself, Caden, William, and Kamryn. And of course the angels surrounding us.

My sister Lynn was so great and handled most of the details for us with the funeral home. And her and the funeral guy Steve pulled some strings and got permission for us to have Jackson buried in the same plot as Blake and James. Something that they apparently don't do normally. How sweet that we will be able to go to one stop and be able to spend time with all 3 of our babies.

Ryan and I spent quite a bit of time prepping the boys on what to expect and what the plan was. We pulled up to find the cemetary guy Bob and Steve already there waiting for us. When I pulled up behind Steve's white lincoln Caden asked me if the president was there to say goodbye to Jackson too. Talk about perfect timing. I was just about to lose it and he says that to put a big smile on my face.

We sat in the four chairs put out for us and just had some time to ourselves. Caden said a prayer for his brothers which was so sweet and then Ryan also prayed. Caden wanted to put the casket into the ground and Will put a blanket over top of it that my mom had made.  I cannot believe the amount of love I have for them. Makes me realize I will never fathom how our Maker feels about us. And that no matter how far I feel from him, He will never let me go. The boys did so great and asked questions that were so insightful for kids their age.

I think my favorite one was from Caden..... "Did God ask you PLEASE when he took Jackson"?

Once we get the headstone out there I plan on taking pictures with our 3 earthly babes with our 3 heavenly ones.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Next Monday.....

Well I finally did it. I had been putting it off as long as possible just because it would make things so final.... so over.... so unchangeable.

Today I went and signed the papers and made plans for Jackson's burial. We will be laying him to rest on Monday. When I say "we" I mean Ryan and the boys and I. When we gave birth to Blake and James we invited our entire families. And were surrounded with so much love it was overwhelming. But this time we are just going to have it be us. After talking with Ryan he said he didn't think he would be able to handle having a bigger service type burial again. And I know that for some family members it would be hard to be present to see that tiny little coffin put into the ground right next to our other kids.

It is hard to know how to feel today. Right before I went to the cemetary I brought Kamryn into the doctor for her weekly checkup. And she is looking great! She is up to 5lbs 12oz. Up 9oz from last week. That is awesome. And she is doing so well.

I leave from a Kamryn high to a Jackson low....

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Loving Life!!!

I don't have too much time right now since Kamryn is starting to wake up to eat but just thought I would throw a quick update out there.

She is doing great and we are so blessed to have her here finally. Caden and William are adjusting so much better than we could have ever asked for. They absolutely love and adore her and Will especially is always wanting to hold her. Caden is more excited that I can wrestle again with him.

The anxiety and stress is gone! People keep asking me if I have post partum..... um - heck no! She is HERE! What could I possibly have to be depressed about. How can I look into that sweet angelic face and possibly be sad. Other than not having my precious Jackson there is nothing to get me down. But he is in a much better place and God blessed us with a peace by letting us meet him so I am trying to keep that in perspective.

Kamryn did end up in the severe level for jaundice but we were able to get a bili blanket to use at home. And she is now back into the safe zone as of yesterday. With all that happens in our house we are glad to say that she is an extremely happy and content baby. In fact she is only up once at night now that I don't have to wake her up every three hours. Plus I think the boys wear her out. :)

There is so much more that I will update when I get a chance but for now I will leave you with a picture that I took of her today. We think that she is the most precious thing EVER!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Birth Story..... Part 2

Thankfully before she broke my water she recommended that we get the epidural. So anestethia came in and warned me of all the risks and started asking all the routine questions. After hearing that I had issues with our last pregnancy and received a spinal headache from the epidural he decided that we would do it a little differently. So the place of insertion was a little higher than normal and he warned me that I may not feel the contractions but the potential was there to feel more during the actual delivery.

Then the doctor came back and broke my water. Thankfully at that point I was not feeling much but was feeling a bit. I was even able to get a little nap in. I woke up a while later to a TON of pain and pressure. The nurse came in and said baby girls heart rate was dropping during the contractions and I needed to be watched VERY closely. We thought there would be the possibility of a c-section at that point but she had me swtich positions and that made things much better. I didnt say anything right away but after a couple hours I just felt like something was wrong. Ryan was on the phone with my dad so I told him to hang it up right away and to go get the nurse cause I was feeling a ton of pain.

When she came back in it was around 3:20 and asked what was going on. I told her that I was having a lot of pain. Thankfully there was an anesthesiologist right outside so she had him come in and give me some more meds. Which did not help at all as I felt all of the delivery. The nurse then checked me and I was at a 7 and she said it could go really quickly at that point. I told her that I needed to push and didn't think I could wait too much longer. She left the room for a split second and had another nurse who called our doctor. He was supposed to have left at 3 for a hunting trip but stuck around longer to be able to deliver our babies. So incredible!!!

The nurse was scrambling around like a mad woman trying to get the room prepped for delivery. She changed the bed over and within a few minutes I had this strange sense that something happened. A few minutes later she came over and told me that we had delivered our angel baby. We were in complete shock. For the past however many weeks we were in and out of apointments and ultrasounds and were told the other baby was completely gone and that there would be nothing left. So to hear that we delivered him tore me apart. I immediately started bawling and couldn't stop. She gave me a big hug and told me that we would have our time but right now we needed to concentrate on baby girl making her appearance.

Our doctor walked in around 3:40 and the nurse told him he better get his gloves on cause we had delivered one baby and the other was on the way. He quickly got changed and at that point I was already pushing. He told the nurse to get the NICU doctor and team into the room immediately and at 3:52 our sweet baby Kamryn made her entrance into the world. With the umbilical cord around her neck. But Ryan said our doctor was amazing and had it off almost immediately. He handed her right over to the NICU team and I then heard a squeal. I still hadn't stopped crying from the news of having two babies to see. But when I heard the NICU doctor say that she was doing great and asking Ryan if he wanted to cut the other part of the cord they turned to tears of joy and gratefulness. After a few minutes she was placed on my chest. What a great feeling.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Birth Story.... Part 1

This could get long so bear with me. But it's also something I never want to forget.
We were scheduled to be induced on Wednesday November 9 due to the fact that my doctor was leaving to go out of town as of 3 pm on Thursday for a hunting trip. And wasn't going to be home until the 18th. And we did not want to wait that long for Kamryn to make her appearance.
So I went into the hospital at 7am to get prepped while Ryan brought the boys to school and daycare and then met me there. We got situated in our room and waited for the magic to happen. I was given a dose of Cytotek to help gets things started and was then hooked up to a machine for 4 hours to be monitored. Not much happened so I was given another dose 4 hours after that. Still not much progression. If you ask Ryan all he says that happened on Wednesday is that he was able to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner in front of me while watching tv. How nice of him since I was unable to eat a thing.
Finally that night our doctor came in to check things out. I was dialated to a 2 but still wasn't progressing very quickly. He was kind enough to allow me to eat something before the next dose which was great! Cause anyone who knows me knows that when I am hungry...... well i'm just not real pleasant to be around. :) So a quick dinner was INHALED and another dose given.
That caused quite a few contractions in the middle of the night for about 3 hours straight and then things settled down. I was so disappointed. I figured I would be holding out new addition by then. But she has proven that she likes things done in her own time. :)
We woke up thursday to the doctor coming to check me out. I was then around a 3-4 when he checked me but felt that something was in the way and was aprehensive about breaking my water. He thought maybe it was the other placenta or that baby girl maybe had her hand in the way but wasn't sure. Since he didnt want to end up in a c-section he decided to hold off for a bit, give another dose of cytotek, and then have his partner come in around 11 to break my water.
So at 11ish his partner came in to check me and I was only to a 4. At that point we didn't think Kamryn was ever going to come. She also felt something in the way but was able to push it aside and felt comfortable at that point to break my water.

Friday, November 11, 2011


Kamryn Jean Petroelje
5lbs 5oz and 18 inches long
Born 11-10-11 at 3:52 pm
While we are rejoicing over Kamryn we are also mourning the loss of her brother.
Jackson Del was born first and we celebrate knowing he is with his Heavenly Father.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Today is.....

Inducement Day!!!
I am at the hospital hooked up to machines already. We are hoping and praying that all goes well and cannot believe that hopefully by the end of the day she will be here safe and sound.
I will update as soon as I can. :)

Monday, November 7, 2011

And the date.....

of our inducement is on the calendar! WOW!!!!
I cannot believe we are in the home stretch.
We cannot wait to meet this precious girl.
And yet the day will be filled with every possible emotion.
The boys are counting down the days and we are so excited!!!