It has been 10 years since we were shocked at the birth and death of our firstborn sons. Blake Hunter and James Bridger were taken from us far too early from twin to twin transfusion syndrome.
I have learned a lot over the last 10 years as a mom. Coming upon the 10 year mark, i finally went through about 6 months of grief counseling. I have finally grasped that it wasn't my fault. That I could not have done anything to save them. That they were chosen by God above all else.
While I find comfort in these thoughts that doesn't always make the days easier. I still get depressed, angry, sad, confused, but more days happen where I am thankful for the experience. I'm blessed to be their mom. I'm blessed for the time we had together. I'm blessed that I felt their movements before their stillness.
But most of all I'm blessed by my Father above for letting me fall but being there to pick me back up for the last 10 years.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
9 years - July 2, 2013
Today I sat and reminised about the fact it has been 9 years since we lost Blake and James..... time has gone so fast and dragged all at the same time.
I realize how lucky I am to have 6 kids. Even though I only get to hold 3 of them now. I know that someday that will change and that they are in way better arms. Time has healed us but you will never by forgotten.
So until then- I love you boys. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I drive by your cemetary twice a day and can't help but wonder what you are doing. I wonder if you are naughty like Caden, William, and Kamryn. Would you play sports and love the outdoors? Would you like adventures? Where would you pick for our mommy & son dates? So many thoughts with no answers.
One thing I am sure about is that we love you. To the whole wide world and back again and you are always in our hearts.
I realize how lucky I am to have 6 kids. Even though I only get to hold 3 of them now. I know that someday that will change and that they are in way better arms. Time has healed us but you will never by forgotten.
So until then- I love you boys. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I drive by your cemetary twice a day and can't help but wonder what you are doing. I wonder if you are naughty like Caden, William, and Kamryn. Would you play sports and love the outdoors? Would you like adventures? Where would you pick for our mommy & son dates? So many thoughts with no answers.
One thing I am sure about is that we love you. To the whole wide world and back again and you are always in our hearts.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
William's 6!!! a much delayed post.
I cannot believe how long it has been since I posted and how much has happened since then! Among the 2 most important would be my William turning 6 and Ryan and I celebrating our 10 year anniversary! :)
My William first:
He planned his whole party months before it actually took place. The kid amazes me with his drive and energy and imagination. He wanted to have a carnival type party with a cowboy theme. I know right? too funny.
He had game stations that he came up with. Duck bowl, treasures in bird seed, tic tac toe board, bucket bonanza, putt put, basketball shooting, pin the tail on uncle Drew, a painting station with shirts and ceramics and more. For each game played you won tickets to "buy" prizes.
It was supposed to be a great day until Caden woke up sick (and stayed that way for 9 days)! So we decided to postpone the party. Instead we went on a date swimming and to Wendy's. The next day - Will ended up sick, then Kamryn a few days later, we battled the noro-virus for almost 3 weeks. Phew. Once that ended we had the party and the day turned out to be GREAT! So fun and Will said it was his best day so far. E.V.E.R. :) I love that boy.
The Birthday Boy
We figured ducks in bird seed was less messy than kids and water.
Cowboy cupcakes
Looking for buried treasure
Pinata time
Pin the tail on Uncle Drew :) Best Game Ever!
Kamryn full of Cake. Will thought she was hilarious.
Mitchell loved his home made ticket pocket.
One of the beloved prize tables
My William first:
He planned his whole party months before it actually took place. The kid amazes me with his drive and energy and imagination. He wanted to have a carnival type party with a cowboy theme. I know right? too funny.
He had game stations that he came up with. Duck bowl, treasures in bird seed, tic tac toe board, bucket bonanza, putt put, basketball shooting, pin the tail on uncle Drew, a painting station with shirts and ceramics and more. For each game played you won tickets to "buy" prizes.
It was supposed to be a great day until Caden woke up sick (and stayed that way for 9 days)! So we decided to postpone the party. Instead we went on a date swimming and to Wendy's. The next day - Will ended up sick, then Kamryn a few days later, we battled the noro-virus for almost 3 weeks. Phew. Once that ended we had the party and the day turned out to be GREAT! So fun and Will said it was his best day so far. E.V.E.R. :) I love that boy.
The Birthday Boy
We figured ducks in bird seed was less messy than kids and water.
Cowboy cupcakes
Looking for buried treasure
Pinata time
Pin the tail on Uncle Drew :) Best Game Ever!
Kamryn full of Cake. Will thought she was hilarious.
Mitchell loved his home made ticket pocket.
One of the beloved prize tables
Friday, April 19, 2013
it has to end....
My poor kids.
William's birthday is April 13. He has yet to have his party. Caden got sick the morning of so we had to cancel. We had a small carnival type party planned where Caden was needed. And we didn't want to infect anyone else by having them at our house still. I tried to help him have a good day anyways so we went to the area pool followed by dinner at his favorite place Wendys. But there was a bit of a hiccup during both times, so not what I expected or hoped for on my little buddies special day.
Then the following day he got sick.
Then Kamryn got sick.
And they both kicked it easily but not my poor Caden. He is still on our couch today. Almost a week later! It hurts me so much to see my kids not doing well and knowing I can't do anything about it.
Bring on the sun. This has to end!
William's birthday is April 13. He has yet to have his party. Caden got sick the morning of so we had to cancel. We had a small carnival type party planned where Caden was needed. And we didn't want to infect anyone else by having them at our house still. I tried to help him have a good day anyways so we went to the area pool followed by dinner at his favorite place Wendys. But there was a bit of a hiccup during both times, so not what I expected or hoped for on my little buddies special day.
Then the following day he got sick.
Then Kamryn got sick.
And they both kicked it easily but not my poor Caden. He is still on our couch today. Almost a week later! It hurts me so much to see my kids not doing well and knowing I can't do anything about it.
Bring on the sun. This has to end!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
wanting
Have you ever wanted something to be so bad only to have it stripped away from you - twice. And then later on to be completely surrounded by it?
To be so confused because you are so excited for others but yet your heart drops into your butt as you are sitting listening to others to the point you feel like you are suffocating?
To have excitement, confusion, jealousy, anger, anxiety, excitement, and depression all mixed into one ball.
I think I have asked "why" more times than any person should have to. And yet- I also feel so blessed at the same time.
It is hard and sometimes perspective is a tricky thing. Dont get me wrong - I love my Ryan and Caden, William and Kamryn more than words could EVER express. They are my world! But even still- my arms ache to know what it would be like to have my twins here. Both sets. To see Blake and James turn 9 this year. To watch Jackson run around with Kamryn and cause even more mischief.
To have both arms filled. To have my heart whole. Cause right now.... there is a big piece missing. And I dont think that feeling will ever go away.
It. Sucks.
To be so confused because you are so excited for others but yet your heart drops into your butt as you are sitting listening to others to the point you feel like you are suffocating?
To have excitement, confusion, jealousy, anger, anxiety, excitement, and depression all mixed into one ball.
I think I have asked "why" more times than any person should have to. And yet- I also feel so blessed at the same time.
It is hard and sometimes perspective is a tricky thing. Dont get me wrong - I love my Ryan and Caden, William and Kamryn more than words could EVER express. They are my world! But even still- my arms ache to know what it would be like to have my twins here. Both sets. To see Blake and James turn 9 this year. To watch Jackson run around with Kamryn and cause even more mischief.
To have both arms filled. To have my heart whole. Cause right now.... there is a big piece missing. And I dont think that feeling will ever go away.
It. Sucks.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Reports
I am so happy with my boys. They received their report cards this past Friday. This would be Caden's second one for the year and William's first.
Caden - the first quarter he had a few areas that he could use some improvement. Well this quarter he has reached all the goals that they want him to before moving up to second grade. He is so proud and had the biggest grin talking about all the things he knows. Which is everything if you ask him. :)
My William has far surpassed our expectations for how he would do this year. We were not impressed with his teacher last year and thought he would not be ready for Kindergarten the way Caden was. Even though Caden did young 5's, he was just so much better off in our opinion even without that. He had the same teacher for both preschool and young 5's and she was incredible and really focused on teaching while William's teacher just consistently told us that preschool was more about learning to play together. So needless to say when we got William's first report we were grinning from ear to ear.
BUT - my biggest pride comes from seeing the comments from their teachers. The boys both had comments about how respectful they are and willing to help others and they come to school with such meaningful prayer requests and tender hearts. I could explode with how proud of them I am.
If there is something I want my kids to take with them it wouldn't be knowledge as much as life long lessons. I will be happy if my kids know history, geography, and statistics. But I will be ecstatic if they can go through life being respectful, grateful, able to admit wrong and to own up to their mistakes. That is what is going to stick with them and that is what my prayer for them is.
I cannot wait to see what God has in store for them and only hope that they teach Kamryn the same.
Caden - the first quarter he had a few areas that he could use some improvement. Well this quarter he has reached all the goals that they want him to before moving up to second grade. He is so proud and had the biggest grin talking about all the things he knows. Which is everything if you ask him. :)
My William has far surpassed our expectations for how he would do this year. We were not impressed with his teacher last year and thought he would not be ready for Kindergarten the way Caden was. Even though Caden did young 5's, he was just so much better off in our opinion even without that. He had the same teacher for both preschool and young 5's and she was incredible and really focused on teaching while William's teacher just consistently told us that preschool was more about learning to play together. So needless to say when we got William's first report we were grinning from ear to ear.
BUT - my biggest pride comes from seeing the comments from their teachers. The boys both had comments about how respectful they are and willing to help others and they come to school with such meaningful prayer requests and tender hearts. I could explode with how proud of them I am.
If there is something I want my kids to take with them it wouldn't be knowledge as much as life long lessons. I will be happy if my kids know history, geography, and statistics. But I will be ecstatic if they can go through life being respectful, grateful, able to admit wrong and to own up to their mistakes. That is what is going to stick with them and that is what my prayer for them is.
I cannot wait to see what God has in store for them and only hope that they teach Kamryn the same.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Saturday, December 15, 2012
welcoming....
I'm sure everyone has heard about the shooting in Connecticut...... my heart breaks for these families. How can someone even consider walking into a school, looking at all those sweet innocent faces, and then taking their lives.
My sister called me late in the afternoon to tell me about what happened. I had no idea and my stomach was immediately nauseous. There was a pit there the size of a bowling ball as I imagined my sweet William sitting in his kindergarten class. The fear that must have surrounded those kids. Not knowing what was happening and surely not comprehending the outcome that was possible. Once i knew that my boys were home, I could not help but call to just hear their voices and to tell them how much I love them. And the hugs lasted quite a while longer than normal, bedtime was a little bit later, and the prayers lasted a lot longer.
To the families.....
No words can express the heartache that will be with you through these next days, months, and years to come. But there are strangers out there who will be praying for you.
And my heart is hopeful knowing that 3 of my boys will be welcoming them into the best place there is. Giving them assurance - fear not! For your heavenly Father is so excited to have you running into his arms.
We weep for you precious babies.... but Heaven is now a better place with you there.
My sister called me late in the afternoon to tell me about what happened. I had no idea and my stomach was immediately nauseous. There was a pit there the size of a bowling ball as I imagined my sweet William sitting in his kindergarten class. The fear that must have surrounded those kids. Not knowing what was happening and surely not comprehending the outcome that was possible. Once i knew that my boys were home, I could not help but call to just hear their voices and to tell them how much I love them. And the hugs lasted quite a while longer than normal, bedtime was a little bit later, and the prayers lasted a lot longer.
To the families.....
No words can express the heartache that will be with you through these next days, months, and years to come. But there are strangers out there who will be praying for you.
And my heart is hopeful knowing that 3 of my boys will be welcoming them into the best place there is. Giving them assurance - fear not! For your heavenly Father is so excited to have you running into his arms.
We weep for you precious babies.... but Heaven is now a better place with you there.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
One Year (late)
Well Kamryn's one year birthday has come and gone on November 10th. I have sat down a few different times to write about it but just haven't pulled through. There has been a lot going on here and time got away. (I totally sucked at the October challenge but may still finish it up).
But for today....Kamryn's Stats:
She is FINALLY on the charts! She weighed in at 15lbs 8oz which put her in the first percentile. That means out of 100 kids, she is bigger than 1 of them! :) You go girl!
But milestone wise she is right on the money. She is walking all over the place. Loves to clap, dance, play peek a boo, wave bye bye, and take her brothers toys away and just giggle, giggle, giggle. She says mama, dada, and uh oh along with tons of babbling. She has helped heal our hearts. We sure do wish that Jackson was able to be here with us but I am confident that he had quite the party up with his other Father.
We had a small party for Kamryn with just family and she is definitely a blessed/loved little girl.
But for today....Kamryn's Stats:
She is FINALLY on the charts! She weighed in at 15lbs 8oz which put her in the first percentile. That means out of 100 kids, she is bigger than 1 of them! :) You go girl!
But milestone wise she is right on the money. She is walking all over the place. Loves to clap, dance, play peek a boo, wave bye bye, and take her brothers toys away and just giggle, giggle, giggle. She says mama, dada, and uh oh along with tons of babbling. She has helped heal our hearts. We sure do wish that Jackson was able to be here with us but I am confident that he had quite the party up with his other Father.
We had a small party for Kamryn with just family and she is definitely a blessed/loved little girl.
Our little miracle in her birthday outfit
Protective older brother. Caden (and William) both adore her!
Glitter Batons... every girl needs one. Just not when she has 2 older brothers who treat it like a sword. This leads to glitter water all over. And a not so happy mama.
Crazy girl. She was not real thrilled with her cupcake. In fact she wanted nothing to do with it.
She did however LOVE the chocolate cake that her dad had.
Her new buddy.
Happy Birthday Sweet Miracle Girl and Heavenly Baby Boy! We Love You Both So Much.
Mama and Dada
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Day 6
Day 6 : What NOT to say. (note the massive amounts of sarcasm in the captions) If you are ever surrounded by someone who loses a child.... dont say any of these. If you don't know what to say.... nothing is way better than something that can come across rude or insensitive.
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| this is what we were told when we lost Jackson. Apprarently only losing one baby means that you shouldnt be sad. |
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| We would have never been able to love them if something was wrong. So it was a blessing that they were taken from us. |
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| (i can't figure out how to spin this one) I must have issues with being busy or working hard for my kids and that is why God took them away from me. Cause people said they didnt know how we would be able to handle it.
I fogot a different one too.... the ever impressive.... well you can always try for more. I dont even need to follow up further on that one.
|
Friday, October 5, 2012
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
As many of you know October is an important month for people like me. We dont need reminders of our loved ones. But it is nice to have a reason to remember and celebrate what they mean to us. notice i say mean not meant.
I was given this link http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/ from an old friend whose brother and sister just lost a baby. She said they were going to take part and thought it might be something i would be interested in. Now I have not spoken to this girl very much since high school. But the fact that she sent this to me really brought tears to me. So grateful....
So i am a few days behind and have not had a chance to take a picture of a sunset so i am just going to use the picture from her blog.....
So day 1:
Day 2: a picture of myself before my loss
Day 3: a picture of myself after loss ( i know it isnt a picture of me personally, but without Ryan and my kids i would be nothing. They make me - Me.)
I was given this link http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/ from an old friend whose brother and sister just lost a baby. She said they were going to take part and thought it might be something i would be interested in. Now I have not spoken to this girl very much since high school. But the fact that she sent this to me really brought tears to me. So grateful....
So i am a few days behind and have not had a chance to take a picture of a sunset so i am just going to use the picture from her blog.....
So day 1:
Day 2: a picture of myself before my loss
Day 4: a Treasured Item- this is my tote that I have all of my "memories" from my three angels. Hospital blankets, the bracelets from Blake, James, and Jackson, pictures, books, cards, emails, and so much more. If anything ever happened to this, I don't know what I would do.
Day 5: Memorial - I have a few plants that we were given in memories of our babies.... Some Tiger Lilies, a peace lily, some blue hydrangea's, and so much more. I don't have any pictures that I can find right now though other than the peace lily. see post here.... http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=9056485267323108481#editor/target=post;postID=5896536962318309171
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
i think i could cry.....
from being so proud of my boys.
Every day on the way to school we pray together asking for a good day, safety, to listen and obey, and they will bring up things that they have heard about or seen. Well today was no different. On our way to school we passed a house on our street who had a tree that dropped a TON of leaves. It is a home where an older lady lives alone. (can you see where i'm going with this?)
Well my Caden says "mom we need to pray and we should pray for her". So we did. As soon as we were done he yells..... I have an idea! Let's go rake her yard tonight. That way she won't have to do it. Great idea buddy! So we get home tonight, had dinner, then headed outside. Our neighbor kids were outside as well and wanted to come help. So Ryan and I and the 3 kids (Kam didnt help much but wanted to be involved) along with our neighbor Eric and his 3 kids all trekked down the street carrying our rakes.
We got to the yard and the kids did so INCREDIBLE! They were raking fools. And Mrs. Dolores came outside asking what church we were with. And was quite surprised when I told her that we weren't from a church but lived down the street and that it was our 7 and 5 year olds idea to come help her out. She was so happy she even called the local paper and tried to get someone down to do an article on us. At which point Ryan and Eric said they would run and leave the kids behind with me. Nice huh? :) We told her that we didn't come to get anything out of it but that the kids wanted to help. She said she had to do something and brought each of them a dollar. Talk about perma grins on 6 kids.
The boys kept saying that they loved being a good samaritan. I'm so proud.
I can't believe i didnt have my camera or phone to take a picture though. :(
Every day on the way to school we pray together asking for a good day, safety, to listen and obey, and they will bring up things that they have heard about or seen. Well today was no different. On our way to school we passed a house on our street who had a tree that dropped a TON of leaves. It is a home where an older lady lives alone. (can you see where i'm going with this?)
Well my Caden says "mom we need to pray and we should pray for her". So we did. As soon as we were done he yells..... I have an idea! Let's go rake her yard tonight. That way she won't have to do it. Great idea buddy! So we get home tonight, had dinner, then headed outside. Our neighbor kids were outside as well and wanted to come help. So Ryan and I and the 3 kids (Kam didnt help much but wanted to be involved) along with our neighbor Eric and his 3 kids all trekked down the street carrying our rakes.
We got to the yard and the kids did so INCREDIBLE! They were raking fools. And Mrs. Dolores came outside asking what church we were with. And was quite surprised when I told her that we weren't from a church but lived down the street and that it was our 7 and 5 year olds idea to come help her out. She was so happy she even called the local paper and tried to get someone down to do an article on us. At which point Ryan and Eric said they would run and leave the kids behind with me. Nice huh? :) We told her that we didn't come to get anything out of it but that the kids wanted to help. She said she had to do something and brought each of them a dollar. Talk about perma grins on 6 kids.
The boys kept saying that they loved being a good samaritan. I'm so proud.
I can't believe i didnt have my camera or phone to take a picture though. :(
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Adults Only
This weekend was Great! My Ryan's birthday is coming up on the 26th. A while back I had asked him what he wanted for his present and his response was simple. He just wanted to go fishing, him and I since we didnt get to do much on vacation this summer. It is hard to do with 3 kids under 7. Especially with an infant.
So I made some calls and arranged for the kids to have a place to go for the weekend. We both took Friday off of work and headed to my grandma's cottage that I rented until Sunday afternoon. NICE! The only problem was that the weather man was calling for rain all weekend long. So we dropped the boys off at school and Ryan's mom came to watch Kamryn for the day. (She watches them every Friday - Blessed!) Before we headed to the cottage though we made a quick detour to Gander Mountain and bought me some new rain gear and a few lures. So glad we did that! I would have been miserable otherwise.
We got the boat launched, went to the cottage and unpacked, then geared up and headed out. I love fishing. Especially with Ryan. But it is not as enjoyable in the freezing cold with downpouring rain. Even so we vowed to make the best of it. And it was worth it when my hubby realed this bad boy in...... Nice pike huh? :)
Anyone who knows me knows that I am deathly afraid of the water. After watching him land this guy.....well it made me realize I won't be swimming in there anytime soon. We both also caught a couple nice bass and then called it a night. Saturday we came back home to watch the boys play soccer (which was canceled due to rain) then headed right back out. Did some more fishing in the pouring cold rain and I caught 5 really nice bass like these and Ryan didn't catch anything. But he was fishing for more pike, not really for bass.
Sunday we didn't catch anything and ended up heading back home early cause we missed the kids terribly. It was our first weekend away from the boys in a really long time and the first time leaving Kamryn. Man were we glad to get them in our arms. :) This weekend was a great time to reconnect with each other and have some fun. Even in the rain.
p.s. I think I am going to write the DNR asking for them to open up a season on The Blue Heron. Every day as we were fishing these birds scared the living you know what out of me. They sound like a Velociraptor flying through the air. I thought I was going to fall out of the boat one time it scared me so bad. I will have my revenge somehow....
So I made some calls and arranged for the kids to have a place to go for the weekend. We both took Friday off of work and headed to my grandma's cottage that I rented until Sunday afternoon. NICE! The only problem was that the weather man was calling for rain all weekend long. So we dropped the boys off at school and Ryan's mom came to watch Kamryn for the day. (She watches them every Friday - Blessed!) Before we headed to the cottage though we made a quick detour to Gander Mountain and bought me some new rain gear and a few lures. So glad we did that! I would have been miserable otherwise.
We got the boat launched, went to the cottage and unpacked, then geared up and headed out. I love fishing. Especially with Ryan. But it is not as enjoyable in the freezing cold with downpouring rain. Even so we vowed to make the best of it. And it was worth it when my hubby realed this bad boy in...... Nice pike huh? :)
Anyone who knows me knows that I am deathly afraid of the water. After watching him land this guy.....well it made me realize I won't be swimming in there anytime soon. We both also caught a couple nice bass and then called it a night. Saturday we came back home to watch the boys play soccer (which was canceled due to rain) then headed right back out. Did some more fishing in the pouring cold rain and I caught 5 really nice bass like these and Ryan didn't catch anything. But he was fishing for more pike, not really for bass.
Sunday we didn't catch anything and ended up heading back home early cause we missed the kids terribly. It was our first weekend away from the boys in a really long time and the first time leaving Kamryn. Man were we glad to get them in our arms. :) This weekend was a great time to reconnect with each other and have some fun. Even in the rain.
p.s. I think I am going to write the DNR asking for them to open up a season on The Blue Heron. Every day as we were fishing these birds scared the living you know what out of me. They sound like a Velociraptor flying through the air. I thought I was going to fall out of the boat one time it scared me so bad. I will have my revenge somehow....
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Constant Reminders
Just when things are going well and life is sailing smoothly.... WHAM! A reminder of what happened. Our fertility clinic has to keep track of eery pregnancy outcome that happens at their facility. So we received a letter asking when our little ones arrived, weight, sex, etc.
So I called and left a message after hours hoping that the answers would be sufficient. Well I must have not been clear enough so got a call from one of the nurses for clarification. I explained a bit more and her response was "wow- you sure have been through a lot". Yup....we have. But thankfully the outcome this time left me with one open arm not two. And my heart has healed a little each day when I listen to the laughter by the three I have here.
I wonder how others out there respond when asked about their situations. When people ask you about your kids do you include the ones you lost? I do sometimes and other times don't when I can't handle the explainations. But then I feel so guilty. I know they are there. That I have 6 kids only though 3 are visible.
On a lighter side though - Kamryn has her first tooth finally. Only took 10 months to get it. She handled it like a champ. :)
So I called and left a message after hours hoping that the answers would be sufficient. Well I must have not been clear enough so got a call from one of the nurses for clarification. I explained a bit more and her response was "wow- you sure have been through a lot". Yup....we have. But thankfully the outcome this time left me with one open arm not two. And my heart has healed a little each day when I listen to the laughter by the three I have here.
I wonder how others out there respond when asked about their situations. When people ask you about your kids do you include the ones you lost? I do sometimes and other times don't when I can't handle the explainations. But then I feel so guilty. I know they are there. That I have 6 kids only though 3 are visible.
On a lighter side though - Kamryn has her first tooth finally. Only took 10 months to get it. She handled it like a champ. :)
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Sleep
Tonight was a great night. We took the kids out to supper and then decided to take them to the Outdoor Discovery Center. I was supposed to chaperonea field trip there for Caden's class on Friday but since it was supposed to rain it was canceled. Talk about a disappointed kid. So Ryan and I had our own field trip with him, William and Kamryn. They loved wandering all the trails and in the middle there is a bird atrium. One of the falcons had even caught a mouse so we watched him have dinner for a while.
We got home and I was putting the boys to bed with Ryan and we went through our normal routine of talking about the day and then saying prayers with them. Caden loves to have his back scratched so I climbed up to the top bunk with him and started scratching.
Next thing I know Ryan is shaking me and telling me to get up. There is just something so sweet about laying next to your kids snuggling and then waking up with them in your arms. :)
Ryan helped me climb down and as I was kissing William good night he opens his eyes and tells me that tomorrow night it is his turn. You got it buddy!
Sleep tight my sweet angels.
We got home and I was putting the boys to bed with Ryan and we went through our normal routine of talking about the day and then saying prayers with them. Caden loves to have his back scratched so I climbed up to the top bunk with him and started scratching.
Next thing I know Ryan is shaking me and telling me to get up. There is just something so sweet about laying next to your kids snuggling and then waking up with them in your arms. :)
Ryan helped me climb down and as I was kissing William good night he opens his eyes and tells me that tomorrow night it is his turn. You got it buddy!
Sleep tight my sweet angels.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
9 months
Kamryn turned 9 months last week. I cannot believe it. We went to the doctor last night for her appointment. It was good and bad.
Here are her stats....
Height - 26 inches
Weight - 13lbs 11oz.
Head circ. - 25%
So she is just squeaking into the 1st percentile. Since the end of April she has only gained 11 oz. :(
Thankfully though she is meeting all the milestones of a 9 month old. She just looks like a 4 month old still. We were told once again that it is something that we may need to be concerned about. If she does not start to catch up by the time she is 2 then we will have to see a specialist to make sure there isnt something wrong with her growth hormones or some other issue.
It could be nothing but he would rather get it checked and know then not do something and have it be an issue. And due to the complications that we faced during the pregnancy and that she was not growing well then already.... it raises a red flag.
We are not worried about it just yet. I just think we will never have to worry about her being on the bottom of a pyramid, or drastically increasing our grocery bill, or growing out of clothes too quickly. :)
And her smile and attitude is big enough to make her seem like a toddler already.
Here are her stats....
Height - 26 inches
Weight - 13lbs 11oz.
Head circ. - 25%
So she is just squeaking into the 1st percentile. Since the end of April she has only gained 11 oz. :(
Thankfully though she is meeting all the milestones of a 9 month old. She just looks like a 4 month old still. We were told once again that it is something that we may need to be concerned about. If she does not start to catch up by the time she is 2 then we will have to see a specialist to make sure there isnt something wrong with her growth hormones or some other issue.
It could be nothing but he would rather get it checked and know then not do something and have it be an issue. And due to the complications that we faced during the pregnancy and that she was not growing well then already.... it raises a red flag.
We are not worried about it just yet. I just think we will never have to worry about her being on the bottom of a pyramid, or drastically increasing our grocery bill, or growing out of clothes too quickly. :)
And her smile and attitude is big enough to make her seem like a toddler already.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
VaCaTiOn 2012
We had our vacation this past week. We started it out with the flu bug and esentially ended it with a bug. So not exactly what we expected but we made the best of it and had fun. Having a 9 month old certainly changed the dynamics in ways we didnt think about. There wasn't a lot of time for Ryan and I to reconnect but it is worth every minute.
How could you look at these sweet faces and not think so....
I have to locate the camera so I can get a picture with Caden. These are just 2 uploaded from my phone. I love these kids more than words can say.
How could you look at these sweet faces and not think so....
I have to locate the camera so I can get a picture with Caden. These are just 2 uploaded from my phone. I love these kids more than words can say.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Pure love
every night when we put the kids to bed we pray with them and talk to them about their day. And then before bed we go back in to check them and cover them up if they need it. Tonight I was doing laundry and went in to put some of their stuff away.
To my surprise Caden was still awake. (this never happens! Normally as soon as he hits his pillow he is asleep within 5 seconds)So I started to stratch his back and we started talking. Life hasn't been easy lately with a lot of stresses and we were having a great talk. He stops and grabs my hand and proceeds to ask if I think we should pray together.
This boy amazes me and when my heart is sad and heavy... he lifts me up. I am so blessed to be his mom.
To my surprise Caden was still awake. (this never happens! Normally as soon as he hits his pillow he is asleep within 5 seconds)So I started to stratch his back and we started talking. Life hasn't been easy lately with a lot of stresses and we were having a great talk. He stops and grabs my hand and proceeds to ask if I think we should pray together.
This boy amazes me and when my heart is sad and heavy... he lifts me up. I am so blessed to be his mom.
Friday, August 3, 2012
One more week
til we are on VACATION!!!
A much needed vacation. Time to get away from work, drama, the day to day business that consumes so much of your life.
I
can't
wait!
A much needed vacation. Time to get away from work, drama, the day to day business that consumes so much of your life.
I
can't
wait!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
1 year ago (started on July 12)
One year ago today I just didnt feel right. You ever have that feeling? The result..... well it sucked. But as i sit here and type this out I cant help but feel grateful at the same time. 10 days ago we mourned the passing of Blake and James. Today we remember that Jackson joined his brothers. But I am at this moment trying to keep Kamryn from smashing the buttons on the computer.
So while there is anger and disappointment and wonder..... this time there is also joy and happiness and a strange comfort. Dont get me wrong - I would give so much to have my boys here with me.
I dont think that time can heal all things. I dont think you ever fully heal. I think that you just learn to deal with it differently.
So while there is anger and disappointment and wonder..... this time there is also joy and happiness and a strange comfort. Dont get me wrong - I would give so much to have my boys here with me.
I dont think that time can heal all things. I dont think you ever fully heal. I think that you just learn to deal with it differently.
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