Scared

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions.

This morning started out by bringing BOTH of my boys to school. Caden actually started last week already but Will's very first day of pre-school was today. He woke up this morning just bawling because he did not want to go and was going to miss me. Thankfully he has a very protective older brother who "talked him off the edge" and convinced him to go. So off we went.

Surprise surprise when I got there. Caden got all settled and headed off to his class after giving Will a big hug and telling him it would be ok. Then Will and I bravely walked to his class only to find out that since we missed the orientation (we were gone that night) that he only had school from 10-11 with a parent to sit in. Not such a big deal except for what is coming up soon.... So off to home we went again and called Ryan's mom who watches the boys on Tuesdays to see if she could come earlier than I thought.

The reason this was a problem??? Well baby girl decided to hide the last 24 hours. I tried everything I could to get her to move and not a single thing worked. So Ryan and I were up all night debating about what to do. My intuition in these situations has never been wrong and we were both convinced that she was gone based off a few changes the last week or so. As you can imagine..... we did not get a lot of sleep last night. Ryan had to work out of town and had to go. I felt so bad for him. But I called the Dr. this morning to see what we should do. We had an emergency appointment scheduled at 10:30 to come in but were told to get there as soon as we could. I was at home with Will waiting/crying/praying my heart out when my Aunt Joan showed up. What a blessing it was to be able to just sit there and cry when I needed but also have someone to talk to. What I appreciated most was that the situation was not down-played and I wasn't told over and over again that it would be ok. Cause it might not be. And I needed to prepare for that.

Ryan's mom showed up and was so great. She brought Will to school and sat with him while my Aunt drove me to the Dr's office where my twin was also waiting. (she had brought my nephew in just before so was already there) Luckily the timing was perfect even though we were early so we got in right away. Dr. H walked in and asked a few questions and got right to it. As soon as I laid down and he put the doppler on we heard a heartbeat and hiccups and he said "well that was easy". And I started bawling. I was wrong for the first time. And have never been so glad to be! He finished up and helped me sit up and gave me a great big hug and just let me cry. I am so blessed to have such an understanding Dr. and family who is always willing to be there.

The rest of the day has been a bit of a blur. Lots of crying followed by a big headache. :) But more importantly.... a feeling of gratefulness. I have extended family who showed up out of nowhere. A mother in law who sat with all the "younger" moms with my son and a twin who stayed with me all day just knowing that was what I needed. A husband who rushed home as soon as he could even knowing that everything was ok by that time.

I don't know what baby girl was doing the last 24 hours+ but she sure as heck is going to be quite the contender when playing hide and seek with her brothers. I just hope that she doesn't want to play anytime soon until AFTER she is born. I don't know if I can take it again.

So now we just hope and pray that all is well with tomorrow's appointment with the specialist.