Constant Reminders

Just when things are going well and life is sailing smoothly.... WHAM! A reminder of what happened. Our fertility clinic has to keep track of eery pregnancy outcome that happens at their facility. So we received a letter asking when our little ones arrived, weight, sex, etc.

So I called and left a message after hours hoping that the answers would be sufficient. Well I must have not been clear enough so got a call from one of the nurses for clarification. I explained a bit more and her response was "wow- you sure have been through a lot". Yup....we have. But thankfully the outcome this time left me with one open arm not two. And my heart has healed a little each day when I listen to the laughter by the three I have here.

I wonder how others out there respond when asked about their situations. When people ask you about your kids do you include the ones you lost? I do sometimes and other times don't when I can't handle the explainations. But then I feel so guilty. I know they are there. That I have 6 kids only though 3 are visible.

On a lighter side though - Kamryn has her first tooth finally. Only took 10 months to get it. She handled it like a champ. :)

Sleep

Tonight was a great night. We took the kids out to supper and then decided to take them to the Outdoor Discovery Center. I was supposed to chaperonea field trip there for Caden's class on Friday but since it was supposed to rain it was canceled. Talk about a disappointed kid. So Ryan and I had our own field trip with him, William and Kamryn. They loved wandering all the trails and in the middle there is a bird atrium. One of the falcons had even caught a mouse so we watched him have dinner for a while.

We got home and I was putting the boys to bed with Ryan and we went through our normal routine of talking about the day and then saying prayers with them. Caden loves to have his back scratched so I climbed up to the top bunk with him and started scratching.

Next thing I know Ryan is shaking me and telling me to get up. There is just something so sweet about laying next to your kids snuggling and then waking up with them in your arms. :)

Ryan helped me climb down and as I was kissing William good night he opens his eyes and tells me that tomorrow night it is his turn. You got it buddy!

Sleep tight my sweet angels.

9 months

Kamryn turned 9 months last week. I cannot believe it. We went to the doctor last night for her appointment. It was good and bad.
Here are her stats....
Height - 26 inches
Weight - 13lbs 11oz.
Head circ. - 25%

So she is just squeaking into the 1st percentile. Since the end of April she has only gained 11 oz. :(

Thankfully though she is meeting all the milestones of a 9 month old. She just looks like a 4 month old still. We were told once again that it is something that we may need to be concerned about. If she does not start to catch up by the time she is 2 then we will have to see a specialist to make sure there isnt something wrong with her growth hormones or some other issue.

It could be nothing but he would rather get it checked and know then not do something and have it be an issue. And due to the complications that we faced during the pregnancy and that she was not growing well then already.... it raises a red flag.

We are not worried about it just yet. I just think we will never have to worry about her being on the bottom of a pyramid, or drastically increasing our grocery bill, or growing out of clothes too quickly. :)

And her smile and attitude is big enough to make her seem like a toddler already.

VaCaTiOn 2012

We had our vacation this past week. We started it out with the flu bug and esentially ended it with a bug. So not exactly what we expected but we made the best of it and had fun. Having a 9 month old certainly changed the dynamics in ways we didnt think about. There wasn't a lot of time for Ryan and I to reconnect but it is worth every minute.
How could you look at these sweet faces and not think so....





I have to locate the camera so I can get a picture with Caden. These are just 2 uploaded from my phone. I love these kids more than words can say.

Pure love

every night when we put the kids to bed we pray with them and talk to them about their day. And then before bed we go back in to check them and cover them up if they need it. Tonight I was doing laundry and went in to put some of their stuff away.
To my surprise Caden was still awake. (this never happens! Normally as soon as he hits his pillow he is asleep within 5 seconds)So I started to stratch his back and we started talking. Life hasn't been easy lately with a lot of stresses and we were having a great talk. He stops and grabs my hand and proceeds to ask if I think we should pray together.

This boy amazes me and when my heart is sad and heavy... he lifts me up. I am so blessed to be his mom.

One more week

til we are on VACATION!!!

A much needed vacation. Time to get away from work, drama, the day to day business that consumes so much of your life.

I
can't
wait!

1 year ago (started on July 12)

One year ago today I just didnt feel right. You ever have that feeling? The result..... well it sucked. But as i sit here and type this out I cant help but feel grateful at the same time. 10 days ago we mourned the passing of Blake and James. Today we remember that Jackson joined his brothers. But I am at this moment trying to keep Kamryn from smashing the buttons on the computer.
So while there is anger and disappointment and wonder..... this time there is also joy and happiness and a strange comfort. Dont get me wrong - I would give so much to have my boys here with me.
I dont think that time can heal all things. I dont think you ever fully heal. I think that you just learn to deal with it differently.