Well lately it has been hard for me to reach out to anyone. And that includes the Big Guy. But I was taught an EXTREMELY valuable lesson tonight. Or so it feels.
I was putting the boys to bed since Ryan was at one of his "tournament" softball games. Meaning Recreation Mens Softball. And yet you would think it is the majors. :)
Well I started out with Will who did not have much of a nap today. He prayed a quick short one and said it was because he was super tired. Which of course made me smile.
Then I wandered into Caden's room. And I wish I had known in advance how that was going to go. I tucked him in and asked about Vacation Bible School and what was his favorite thing of the day. Had our usual before bed conversation and then told him it was time to pray. I heard the normal... bless the little kids in Haiti who have no food, thank you for my family, thank you for making me a "dude", help me to be good for mom and dad.... and then he reached out and touched my stomach and said "God Thank you for my baby sister in mom's tummy. And please keep playing with my babies in Heaven. Daddy say's you really love them". Then he said Amen.
I walked out of the room so proud of him and yet my heart aching. Not just because of our loss but because of a bigger loss. My faith in Him. HE is not to blame. HE said let the little children come to me. And my kids must be really special if he wanted another one already. That is what my focus needs to turn to. Him and His love for all of us. Even though I don't feel it right now. It is always there when I am ready for it.
Gosh, friend. I know it's so hard to focus on how wonderful it is for our babies in Heaven, spending all day with their Father that loves them even more than we do...when, we miss our babies so much.
ReplyDeleteI hope my little dude is able to talk to God as honestly as your little dude does! We have a picture of Jesus in Coop's room and every night when we say our prayers we look at the pic and say "we love you, Jesus!" My mother's heart prays everyday that he's always able to say that he loves God and Jesus...
That was so sweet. I know you are having a hard time talking to Him. Today I read a post by Kelly at Sufficient Grace Ministries that I thought was very interesting. When I read this post I thought that maybe you would like to read it. Keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeletehttp://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com/2011/08/time-to-do-some-rejoicing-tug-update.html
There is nothing like seeing loss impact your loved ones to crush what ever remains inside of you.
ReplyDeleteIt's in these times of personal drought that others keep you 'watered' and we are!! Rest in the truth that God loves ALL of your little ones, and holds them close. And we love you all with our prayers every day. Rest in that, too, sweet girl. Love Aunt Joan and Uncle Tom
ReplyDeleteLaura, I am very sorry for the recent loss of one of your twins, and the earlier loss you had of Blake and James. I think God does understand your struggle to turn to Him and pray, and He is loving you, your family still here with you, and your three little ones in heaven unconditionally, and infinitely. Your son's prayer reminds me of Christ's words that we much be like children, trusting in order to enter into the Kingdom of God. Would it help for you to just find time and place each day, even 30 minutes to just tell God you believe in him, you love him as Father and would He please heal you? I prayed for you when I first read this and I'll continue praying for you today, especially as I am going to church in a few minutes. I hope you find strength and peace very soon!
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